Can you change marriage ?

When the Government published its much awaited consultation on same-sex marriage last Thursday, the battle lines had already been clearly drawn.

On one side are the Prime Minister, gay pressure groups, and the majority of MP’s in parliament  who, according to all calculations, would back such a measure in a free vote.

On the other, ranks of church leaders from a range of denominations who have denounced the proposed ‘re-definition’ of marriage as, in varying degrees, grotesque, dictatorial, and shameful.

A common assertion among the latter is that you simply can’t change marriage.  Marriage is what marriage is, and no-one has the power to alter it – not government, nor church nor equality activists.   According  to the Archbishop of York, it is not "the role of the state to define what marriage is.  It is set in tradition and history and you can’t just [change it] overnight, no matter how powerful you are."

The Archbishop is undeniably right of course, when he points to our current understanding of marriage as "a relationship between a man and a woman" but what he fails to acknowledge is that definitions, understandings and laws relating to marriage have been constantly changing through human history, biblical history, and church history.

If we go back to the Bible, we find that for the bulk of biblical history, marriage was polygamous with many wives equating to male power & success.  Neither the Gospels nor the Epistles ever put a formal end to this model of marriage and yet it is one which few would advocate today - our understanding has changed dramatically from the examples of scripture.

In pre-Enlightenment times marriage was more about property than about love, with political order and social standing high on the agenda for budding brides, grooms and their families.

In the Prayer Book the reasons for marriage are clear - first for procreation of children, then as a remedy against sin, and then finally for the mutual 'help and comfort' of the couple – little about love here.   Brides were ‘given away’ from one man to another. Marriage between family members which were forbidden, included a prohibition on marrying your wife’s sister after her death.  This came from a mistaken understanding of consanguinity – that because you became one flesh with your wife, so you shared the same family blood with her sister.  So strong was this belief that when an act of Parliament finally legalised such marriages in 1907, clergy were permitted to refuse to conduct them - an interesting parallel in today's debates about same-sex marriage.

Today’s theology of marriage can be found more in the modern marriage service of Common Worship than in the Prayer Book.  Here we find the Prayer Book introduction substantially re-ordered and changed.  Marriage is first and foremost about enabling two people to be 'united with one another in heart, body and mind' as they 'grow together in love and trust'.  Then it is for the 'delight and tenderness of sexual union' within 'joyful commitment to the end of their lives' and after all that, it is the 'foundation of family life in which children are [born] and nurtured'. Even here, the square brackets reveal a changing recognition of more complex realities in the raising of children.

So when those opposed to same-sex marriage claim that you can’t just change marriage, it is a selective view of history at best because clearly it has been changed time and time again.  The real issue must be about the substance of marriage and whether same-sex relationships can be embraced within that essence.

Many people in the church and wider society have recognized the marks of marriage in committed  same-sex relationships around them.  Bishop Nicholas Holtam referred to these recently when he said, “I think same-sex couples that I know who have formed a partnership have in many respects a relationship which is similar to a marriage and which I now think of as marriage.”

Indeed, when David Cameron asserts that he supports same-sex marriage because "society is stronger when we make vows to each other and support each other", he is echoing the modern marriage service when it affirms that marriage "enriches society and strengthens community."

And there are several pointers within Scripture which might direct us towards an understanding of marriage which is not dependent on gender difference.

When God sought to provide a suitable companion for Adam in the Garden of Eden, he said “It is not good for the man to be alone”.  Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people exhibit the same yearning as Adam.  Just because they find that the person who completes them is of the same sex, that does not abrogate the need which God meets in the creation of another human being to complete Adam’s yearning for a suitable companion in life.

In imagery of the Church as the Bride of Christ (often quoted as a justification for opposing same-sex marriage) we easily forget that the Church comprises both women and men who will, in some sense be a bride to Christ as part of His Church.

In Galatians, Paul calls us to a radical new reality in Christ as gender becomes irrelevant in Christ who enables us all to be born again into a new creation.

As the Government consultation begins, we need to grapple with these issues.  We need to engage in theological debate and prayerful reflection, rather than knee-jerk reactions claiming eternal authority for an institution which is incapable of change.

The role of the Established Church is not simply to act as a line of last defense, but to guide our nation in examining our understanding of God and society.  Marriage is not an immovable object - the question is what direction should it take today?

God of Conflict?

www.savagechickens.com

It is always a source of great irony to me that working towards a truly inclusive Church seems to produce so much conflict. Sometimes that conflict is subtle and well mannered, sometimes not.

Just before Christmas I received a Facebook friend request from someone I hadn’t seen sinceI was a curate. He was a member of the congregation where I served, and I remember assisting at his wedding.

When I looked at my Facebook page, I also noticed that he had commented on one of my blog posts– he said,

‘I don’t understand this – the word of God is explicit about sexual immorality including homosexuality… on judgment day, those who promote homosexuality and encourage others whilst claiming to be“Christian” will find out the truth of things when God rejects them saying, “I never knew you” and then sent to Hell.’

I guess that is me done for then! As I accepted his ‘friend request’ I couldn’t help thinking ‘with friends like these ...!’

But reading the Epiphany Bible readings today, I am reminded that whenever God has spoken into the world it seems to have produced conflict.

It was true for Moses and the people of Israel enslaved in Egypt. It was true as God led Israel into the promised land. It was true in the ministries of the prophets, from Samuel through Elijah, to Jeremiah, Ezekiel and Amos.

At Epiphany, it was true in the birth of Jesus, as Herod’s reaction to the Wise Men shows us. It was true in the ministry of John the Baptist as he upset the political rulers by his straight talking, and in the ministry of Jesus as he challenged the religious leaders.

It was true in the early church, upsetting Jews and Gentiles alike, provoking persecution, imprisonment and even death for a faith which claims to bring peace.

It was true for the leaders of the Protestant Reformation, as they challenged the status quo, and for Roman Catholics like Archbishop Oscar Romero, murdered at the altar for speaking up for the poor in El Salvador. It is true today in many countries around the world where Christians and those of other minority religions are often persecuted for their faith.

And it is true in the Church’s struggle with sexuality.

It seems that whenever God is at work - there is conflict.   If this was the result when Jesus appeared ‘full of grace and truth’, how can it be any different now?

So perhaps it is my expectations which need to change. To be involved in God’s work involves us embracing conflict, living with conflict, working with conflict.

But that does not mean we should look for conflict or arm ourselves to win by force. The Christian way is not one of powerful victory, but of faithful witness, prayer and love - even in the face of visceral confrontation.

When faced with conflict, we must hold out arms of love rather than point fingers of condemnation; we must challenge the anger and fear of closed hearts and minds while planting the seeds of reconciliation and forgiveness; we must seek to see Christ in those with whom we disagree rather than seek to simply rebrand them with our version of God’s image.

So my prayer for 2012 will be the one from Celtic Daily Prayer, based on the Breastplate of St Patrick. It recognises both the inevitable conflict that seeking to follow Christ brings, while looking for Christ in all those we meet along the way.

Christ as a light illumine and guide me.

Christ as a shield overshadow me.

Christ under me;

Christ over me;

Christ beside me

on my left and my right.

This day be within and without me,

lowly and meek, yet all powerful.

Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;

in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.

This day be within and without me,

lowly and meek, yet all powerful.

Christ as a light;

Christ as a shield;

Christ beside me

on my left and on my right.

(Cartoon from http://www.savagechickens.com/)

Genderless God?

In one of his responses to my article “Towards a theology ofgay marriage”, John Richardson made the following comment…

Far from being ‘genderless’ however, this mystical union undergirds the very notion of gender – including the basis on which we call God ‘he’.   As CS Lewis once put it, “What is above and beyond all things is so masculine that we are all feminine in relationship to it.”

While I do not have sufficient expertise in relation to CS Lewis to know what point he was trying to make, John Richardson’s comment did make me reflect about God as solely male - so ‘male’ that we can only call him ‘He’.

Many women have, of course found this difficult to accept, particularly since the rise of feminism.  The Christian faith has come under attack from some feminists for our male only hierarchy and male God, while others have sought to redress the balance with prayers addressed to ‘Mother God’ or ‘Our Mother who art in heaven’.

It reminds me of a joke I once heard about someone who had died and gone to heaven. 

He was met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates and given a tour of paradise.  After being shown rooms for different Christian Traditions each with their own appropriate decoration, trappings and ornaments, the new arrival finally asked if he could meet God now.  St Peter hesitated, and looked unsure.  Finally he said, “Well I suppose so, but you will have to be prepared for a shock”.

The new arrival tried to assure St Peter that he was ready - that he had read his Bible and knew that he would almost certainly be overcome by awe, wonder, and godly fear at the sight of the omnipotent, great “I am” whose presence has struck fear and trembling into people throughout  human history.

St Peter eventually agreed, but as they came to the door into God’s presence, he whispered to the new arrival, “It’s not those things that will shock you – you see, She is Black!”

The biggest problem with those who would want to keep God as solely masculine however, is that it simply isn’t Biblical.

Alongside the feminine pictures of God which appear in the Bible, (like that of a mother comforting her child  or a hen gathering her chicks ) there is the clearest indication in Genesis 1 that we cannot restrict God in this way.

At the creation of human beings in Genesis 1:27, we read that

So God created humankind in his image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.

For me the Word of God here is very clear – both women and men, in all their fullness, are made in the image of God.  Anything less would be to subtract from the Scriptures - and in a way which then affects our view of everything which follows, from Genesis 1 all the way to Revelation 22.  For God to create male and female in his image, God must be both male and female in a way which transcends our limited human understanding. 

But that does not imply a ‘genderless’ God anymore than same-sex marriage implies ‘genderless’ marriage.  What it actually implies is a 'genderful’ God who is able to relate to both men and women fully, and with whom both women and men can relate fully without having to set aside part of their gender or sexuality in the process.

For me personally as a man, I have always been comfortable in calling God Father (while recognising that others find this difficult) but I have felt equally comfortable relating to the Holy Spirit as female and allowing Her to enrich my Christian life and faith.

She has filled my life with the presence of God, and She has made the reality of God more real in my life.  She has led me in the Truth of Christ, given me Her gifts, and enabled me to grow in Her fruit.  In all of these things, I am indebted to God, who is both male and female - Father Son and Holy Spirit.

I believe in a Genderful God.

(You might also like to see the response to this post on Significant Truths which expands and develops the idea of a Genderful God in a very helpful and creative way)

This week's song is... 'Your love is a song' by Switchfoot

Keeping with the theme of God's love, from my last musical blog "My song is..."-  this song is a womderful expression of how God's dynamic love surrounds us and enfolds us.

Sometimes it is only after times of brokeness or disappointment that we become open to God is a new way - hence the lyric "I've got my mind/eyes wide open" which echoes through the verses.

In many ways it remids me of the beauty of Psalm 139:

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

For those who haven't heard of Switchfoot before, they are a Chirstian band from the US and this is definately one of their quieter songs...
The first blog in the series was  My song is ...

My song is ...

And now for something completely different ...

I have been inspired recently by a number of friends who have posted songs on their Blog's and Facebook pages.  Some have really touched my heart - a good example is "Strumming my pain with his fingers" by Significant Truths - and they have made me reflect ...

Music is a big part of my life.  It feeds my spirit and nourishes my soul. 

It can also be a great release when things get too serious.  I remember one evening when my wife was in hospital fighting for her life after her road accident in 2003.  I had just taken our children to see her and the visit had not gone well.  She had been given some bad news that day and was quite upset - she was also in too much pain to be able to hide it, and our kids (aged 3 and 5) came away from the hospital very quiet and withdrawn.

When we got home, I put a some music on.  It was a loud raucous CD by Linkin Park.   It turned out to be exactly what we all needed, enabling us to let go of the pain, fear and frustration that we felt.  Before I knew it, I had picked the children up, one in each arm, and we were dancing like lunatics around the living room with the volume up as high as it would go.  When the song finished, we fell onto the settee laughing and crying all at the same time.  When I took them up to bed a few minutes later they both said to me "Daddy - that was fun - can we do it again?"

Often my Blog ends up being a bit too serious.  It is often fed by observations of misunderstandings, injustice and prejudice.  Yet the Christian Gospel is Good News.  It is meant to be something which brings life, love,  joy and colour to our lives.

So I am going to start interspersing my more serious Blog postings with something a little lighter - a song for each week.   It will be a song which feeds me, which nourishes my soul, and just might do something for you too.

Today's song is 'A Message' by Coldplay, which was written around the a lyric "My song is love unknown" from the famous hymn.  It speaks to me of the love that God has for us - constant, unconditional, faithful, life-giving, warm, refreshing, inspiring, healing, personal, inviting!  As I listen to it, I find God singing those words to me.

It also speaks to me of the love which God wants us to live out in our relationships, our churches, our communities, our world.

Today's song is 'A Message' - Click below to enjoy...

For the next blog in the series click here

When the world falls apart ...

Like many people, I have been struggling to take in the awful events in Japan over the last few days.  The scale of destruction, suffering and loss are simply too great to comprehend, even from the distance of being half a world away.  What it must be like for those who are having to live through this disaster on the ground is beyond imagination.

But I have also been disturbed at some of the language which has been used in the TV news reports.  More than once the scenes in Japan have been described as 'Biblical' by reporters trying desperately to find words to express the scale of destruction.  "Scenes of Biblical destruction" is how one correspondent put it.

This disturbs me because destruction is not the first picture which comes to my mind when I read the Bible.  For me the Bible is primarily about the story of God restoring humankind after the fall, not destroying it.  And yet there are the stories of Noah, Sodom and Gomorrah, and of course the prophecies  about the end of the world.  Is that the picture which others see first?

There is another problem of course.   Describing the scenes in Japan as 'Biblical' also point us to that thorny question of where God was in all this.  Did he cause the earthquake and tsunami - thus making him a capricious destroyer?  Or did he just allow it - implying divine apathy?   Was God powerless to stop it, or was it part of his plan - a divine wake-up call or punishment? 

When huge natural disasters strike, they can often remind us of the lesser tragedies we have all experienced in life.  The times when these same questions rear their heads to disturb us.  The "Why me?" moments.  The "It's not fair" moments.   The times when the foundations of our world and faith are shaken.

My own experience of tragedy came on a sunny April morning in 2003.  Like the earthquake in the Japan, it came out of the blue with no warning, as an 18 ton truck turned left without checking, and my wife on her bicycle was dragged under its wheels.

I was phoned by a bystander, and arrived at the scene just as the first ambulance crew arrived.  I saw the scene of destruction with my wife lying on the road in the shadow of the huge wheel that had ripper her body apart, leaving parts of her strewn across the tarmac.

Over the weeks and months that followed, as she fought for life in hospital, I faced the same questions which the earthquake in Japan evokes in us.  Some of those questions came from within - others from people around me.  Some tried to encourage me with phrases like "It's all for a reason" or "God has a purpose - you'll see" as if some divine plan had caused or allowed the pain and suffering of this random act of negligence.  

One woman in my congregation asked me "How can you get up and preach every Sunday after what has happened?".  To this day, I don't know if this came from her own questions of what kind of God could allow this, or if she somehow felt this must be some kind of punishment from God for a secret and unspecified sin.

In midst of it I was angry at God - felt betrayed by God - let down by God - when I had given my life to following him, and all my energy to working for him.  The least he could have done was to watch my back.  

It took several years for my relationship with God to be repaired.  Even now I struggle with those same questions when I see events such as those of the last few days.

As I reflect back, it was not those with easy answers who helped me during those dark days after my wife's accident.  It was not those who had a reason ready to explain what had happened that eased my pain.

The ones who helped me were the ones who simply sat with me in the pain.  The ones whose presence and prayers reminded me that God was there in the mist of the suffering, the anger and the confusion - even when there were no answers.  The people who put their arms around me when I didn't want God's arms around me.  Those were the ones who helped me come to terms with my own minor tragedy.

I have been surprised to see how quiet Christian bloggers have been over the weekend about the earthquake.  Perhaps we have all been taking time to get our heads around it?

In fact this is no bad thing.  Blogs can tend to be about quick answers and instant comment, whereas this is one of those situations where neither does any good, and those who rush in to make sense of these things are often those who do most damage.

My tragedy pales into insignificance when compared to the loss and destruction in Japan, but eight years on from the day my world was shaken, I simply know this.  Bad things happen.  They happen to good people as well as bad - and to the vast majority of us who are somewhere in between.  They are often random, bewildering and unfair.  Why does God allow them - I don't know.  But I do know that God is there, wanted or unwanted in the midst of them, just as God was there in the violence, injustice and pain of the cross.  He is not distant and aloof, and he shares our pain.  And it is here that the Bible does speak:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  (Romans 8:38&39)